Guest Writer my mom - How to find happiness and forgive

Hello everyone, my name is Hasthu, and I’m really happy to be guest blogging today on "Fashionista Era." It’s a special privilege to share my thoughts with you, especially since this is my first time writing for my daughter’s blog. I’m grateful for the chance to connect with you all and maybe even offer a little inspiration through my perspective. Today, I want to talk about something that’s been on my mind lately: the power of love and forgiveness. I hope what I share resonates with you and gives you something to think about as you go through your own day-to-day experiences. 

A while back, I came across a story that really stuck with me. It was a true account about a mother who faced something unimaginable. Her only son was murdered by a convict in a small town. You can picture the kind of pain and anger that would come with losing a child like that. Most people would expect her to feel nothing but hatred toward the person who took her son away. And honestly, who could blame her if she did? But what she did next was something no one saw coming. Instead of holding onto that hate, she chose to forgive the man who killed her son. Not only that, she went a step further and adopted him. Yes, you read that right—she brought him into her life as her own.

When I first heard this, I couldn’t wrap my head around it. How does someone find the strength to do that? What kind of love and forgiveness does it take to look past something so devastating? It’s the kind of thing that makes you stop and wonder if that level of compassion is even possible for most of us. I mean, we’re all human, right? We get upset, we hold grudges, we struggle to let go of hurt. But this mother’s story challenges all of that. It’s a reminder that maybe we’re capable of more than we think when it comes to healing and moving forward.

I’ve thought about this story a lot, especially when I’ve had my own moments of frustration or anger. It’s easy to stay mad at someone who’s wronged you, whether it’s a small slight or something bigger. We’ve all been there—maybe a friend said something thoughtless, or a coworker let us down, or even a family member did something that stung. Holding onto that hurt feels natural, almost like a reflex. But then I think about this mother, and it puts things in perspective. If she could forgive someone who took her child’s life, what’s stopping me from letting go of the little things that bother me? It’s not about comparing our pain—everyone’s struggles are real—but about asking ourselves if carrying that resentment is worth it.

Forgiveness isn’t easy, and I’m not saying it happens overnight. It’s a process, and sometimes it takes a long time to get there. But this story shows what’s possible when we choose love over hate. Imagine the weight that lifted off that mother’s shoulders when she decided to forgive. She didn’t just free the convict from her anger—she freed herself too. That’s what forgiveness does: it gives you peace. It lets you live a happier, lighter life. Next time you’re struggling to let go of something, maybe think about her. If she could find it in her heart to move past that kind of tragedy, maybe we can find a way to release the smaller grudges we carry around.

Now, let’s shift gears a bit. While that story is about someone overcoming hate from the outside, there’s another side to this that’s just as tough: forgiving yourself. I’ve noticed something troubling when I read the news these days. Every so often, there’s a headline about a family member doing something unthinkable—killing their own child, spouse, or relative in a moment of rage. It’s heartbreaking to see. Sometimes it’s tied to a mental health issue, and other times it’s over something that, in the grand scheme of things, doesn’t seem worth that kind of reaction. But the result is the same: a life is lost, and the person responsible is left to deal with what they’ve done.

How does someone come back from that? If forgiving someone else is hard, forgiving yourself for something like that must feel impossible. I can’t imagine the guilt and regret that would follow. It’s a heavy burden to carry, knowing you’ve hurt someone you were supposed to love and protect. And yet, people do find ways to keep going. Maybe not right away, and maybe not perfectly, but they do. It makes me think about how we handle our own mistakes—not the extreme ones, necessarily, but the everyday ones where we lose our temper or say something we regret. How do we forgive ourselves for those moments? It’s not easy, but it’s just as important as forgiving others.

Anger is a tricky thing. It sneaks up on you, and before you know it, you’re caught up in it. I’ve had my share of moments where I’ve snapped at someone or let frustration get the better of me. Looking back, I can see how pointless it usually was. Most of the time, whatever set me off wasn’t worth the energy I gave it. That’s what I mean when I say we need to think about our priorities. Life’s too short to spend it stewing over things that don’t really matter. But when you’re in the middle of it, it’s hard to see that. Anger clouds everything, and if you let it take over, it can lead you down a path you don’t want to be on.

That’s where stepping back comes in. I’ve found that taking a minute to breathe and think things over can make a big difference. It’s not about pretending everything’s fine—it’s about asking yourself what’s worth holding onto. Is it the argument you had with your sibling over something silly? The guy who cut you off in traffic? Or even the mistake you made that you can’t stop replaying in your head? When you put it in perspective, a lot of it starts to feel small. And when you let it go, you give yourself room to focus on the stuff that actually matters—like the people you care about and the kind of life you want to live.

I think we all need to do that more: evaluate where we’re at and what we’re carrying with us. If we don’t, it’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of anger or bitterness. I’ve seen it happen to people—they hold onto grudges or regrets, and it weighs them down. They end up unhappy, not just with others but with themselves. It’s like they’re punishing themselves over and over for something they can’t change. I don’t want that for myself, and I don’t want it for anyone reading this. Life’s hard enough without adding extra baggage we don’t need to carry.

Choosing to forgive—whether it’s someone else or yourself—takes effort, but it’s worth it. It’s not about being weak or letting people off the hook. It’s about being the bigger person and deciding that your peace is more important than your pride. Think about that mother again. She could’ve spent the rest of her life hating the man who killed her son, and no one would’ve judged her for it. But she chose a different path. She chose love, and in doing that, she built something positive out of something awful. That’s the kind of strength I admire. It’s not loud or flashy—it’s quiet and steady, and it changes everything.

What if we all tried to live a little more like that? Not in the extreme way she did, necessarily, but in our own small ways. Imagine how it could shift things—not just for us, but for the people around us. If we let go of the petty stuff that drags us down, we might create a ripple effect. Maybe our kids, or the next generation, would grow up in a world where forgiveness and acceptance are the norm instead of the exception. It’s a big thought, but it starts small. It starts with us, right here, right now.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because I see how easy it is to get caught up in negativity. You turn on the news, and it’s one bad story after another. You scroll through your phone, and there’s always someone arguing or complaining. It’s exhausting. And then there’s the stuff in our own lives—the little annoyances that pile up if we let them. I don’t want to live like that, and I’m guessing you don’t either. So how do we change it? For me, it’s about making a conscious choice to focus on what’s good and let go of what isn’t.

That’s easier said than done, I know. Forgiveness doesn’t come with a manual. There’s no step-by-step guide that works for everyone. Sometimes it’s messy, and sometimes you have to keep working at it even when you think you’re over it. But the more I think about it, the more I believe it’s worth the effort. Holding onto anger or hurt doesn’t fix anything—it just keeps you stuck. Letting go, even a little at a time, opens up space for better things. It’s not about erasing what happened; it’s about deciding it doesn’t get to control you anymore.

I’ll give you an example from my own life. A while back, I had a falling out with someone close to me. It wasn’t anything huge—just a misunderstanding that got out of hand. But I was mad, and I stayed mad for longer than I should’ve. Every time I thought about it, I’d get worked up all over again. It wasn’t until I sat down and really thought about it that I realized I was the one suffering, not them. They’d moved on, and I was still stuck. So I decided to let it go. I didn’t make a big deal out of it—I just stopped feeding the anger. And you know what? I felt better. It didn’t mean what happened was okay, but it meant I wasn’t going to let it ruin my day anymore.

That’s the kind of shift I’m talking about. It doesn’t have to be dramatic. It can be as simple as choosing not to dwell on something that’s already done. Over time, those little choices add up. They build a habit of looking forward instead of backward. And when you start doing that, you notice the good stuff more—the people who make you smile, the moments that feel light and easy. That’s where happiness lives, I think. It’s not out there waiting for the world to change—it’s in the way we decide to show up every day.

I hope this story about the mother and her forgiveness sticks with you like it did with me. It’s a reminder that love and compassion can do things we can’t even imagine. But it’s also a nudge to look at our own lives and see where we can make a change. Maybe there’s someone you’ve been meaning to forgive, or maybe it’s yourself you need to give a break. Wherever you’re at, start small. Take a deep breath, let something go, and see how it feels. You might be surprised at the difference it makes.

Writing this has been a great experience for me, and I’m thankful to my daughter for letting me share it with you. "Fashionista Era" is her space, and I’m proud to be a part of it, even just for this post. I hope I’ve given you something to think about—maybe even a little push to find your own peace. Life’s too precious to spend it tangled up in anger or regret. So here’s my wish for you: find happiness, starting with yourself. It’s a choice we can all make, one day at a time.